Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Scott is back in the ICU. When he first got there, a lot of blood work was done. We don't know any results on those yet.

They are specifically concerned about and want to rule out any heart issues, blood clots, and infection that may not be appropriately treated.

They did do some blood gases (blood from the arteries to determine how well Scott was oxygenating his body). The only news I have heard on this was that his results were "okay" but that he was working very hard to keep them there.

He did have an EKG and an Echo (ultrasound) done on his heart so far, and both of those were normal.

They are currently intubating Scott (putting a breathing tube in) while the rest of us cry in the waiting room.

Before they had us step out so they could intubate Scott, I climbed up on the bed so I could kiss his face and I told him I loved him. Despite the fog he has been living in, he responded back "I love you the most."

They are planning on doing a full body CT scan around 10:30 tonight and results should be back betweeen 11:30-12:00. We are waiting here for the results.

They are specifically looking for any blood clots, any problems with Scott's brain, and want to get a good look at his lungs.

I'll post results late tonight or early tomorrow morning.

Scott is going to be sedated for the next 2-3 days, while the breathing tube is in. Hopefully, this will allow his body to get the rest it so desperately needs, while the docs try to fix any physical problems. Our hope is when he is awakened, our Scott will be back.

Again, at this time Scott cannot have any visitors. We know how many people love Scott and are supporting and praying for him-please never stop. We appreciate it so much and know God is watching over Scott. He just needs this time to heal and get well, and the doctors think he can do this best in a calm, controlled environment. Thank you so much for understanding. We so look forward to when we can have visitors again.

Our hearts are filled with sorrow for this setback. In so many ways, he is starting over. We want nothing more than for Scott to wake up renewed and in better health than he is in today. Please continue to pray for Scott.


Back to ICU

They are getting ready to transfer Scott back to the ICU.

He is stable, but needs closer monitoring.

More details later.

Where to Start...

This will be long. I've never been one to give the "short story" so sit down and read if you have a few minutes...

Let me preface this by saying I only write these words with the upmost love and respect for my brother. I also write this with Janiece's permission. It's difficult to do, because of the (ridiculous) negative stigma that sometimes follows this type of problem. But this is real, and Scott has no control over this.

I think we all expected some "bumps in the road" but no one was prepared for this type of battle.

Two nights ago, Scott became increasingly confused. Janiece and sweet Shelby were with him that night, and the night was long and terrible. Scott did not know where he was or what was going on. He was confused, but he was not angrily confused at the time. Janiece and Shelby were up all night with him, trying to comfort him.

Initially, it was believed that the confusion was the result of a medication reaction. Scott is not on many medications. He was only on one antiobiotic (Unasyn) at the time, a diuretic (Lasix), Potassium, and the very rare, occasional pain medication. He had one dose of pain medication (in 24 hours) and he was given this many hours before the onset of his confusion.

On Monday morning, blood work was completed and there were no significant findings or changes from his previous lab work. As has been the "normal" for Scott for the past 11 days-his platelets were low and his sodium was low. Nothing that they thought would have caused his confusion.

Another thought was that Scott was confused because of continious sleep deprivation-hence the order for no visitors. Only Janiece, Shelby, and our parents were here on Monday morning/afternoon and they were only in the waiting room and not in Scott's room. The hope was that Scott could get the much needed rest he needed, if his environment was quiet and people free.
Unfortunately, sleep would not come. At some point during the day, Scott started pulling on all "foreign objects" on his body. This included his central line (the line that goes in his neck to give meds and get labs-he pulled it out about three inches) and one of the vacuums on his leg.

I received a phone call at around 7:30 last night to come to the hospital asap. Scott was more confused, and angrily confused at this point. He did not want to take any of the medications that he needs to get well...he wanted me to look them up for him because in his mind, everyone had ill intent. He recognized and trusted his family but he did not trust the medical staff.

By the time I got there, Scott was sitting up on the side of the bed and trying to leave. He did not know he was in the hospital or anything that had happened to him in the last 11 days. He did not understand why he could not just get up and walk out of here.

I looked up the medications for him, per his request, but he refused to take them then. Finally a bit later we were able to give him some medication to help calm him down and decrease his anxiety. This helped momentarily and he laid back down in bed.

The doctor was there and thought that a few things could be going on with Scott.
1)Another infection of some sort.
2)Sleep deprived confusion
3)Medication reaction

Janiece, Shelby, and I stayed in the room with Scott and willed and prayed for sleep to come for Scott. It did not. He did not sleep for one single minute last night. I should know, neither did I! He wanted to get out of bed, he wanted to pull everything off of him. He did take his medications from me, when I promised him that I had got them for him, and they were safe to take. The medications did not help him at all.

At two am, he was given a blessing--That he could be calm, that sleep would come, that the medications would work.

At three am, Janiece and Shelby went to the trailer to try and sleep. They had now been two nights without rest. Our parents came and I continued to stay with him. Sleep still evaded Scott and he was fighting some battle that only he knew.

At four am, the doctor came in to evaluate Scott, again. The doctor pulled out his central line (the rest of the way). He thought that the central line could have been a source of infection and it wasn't working right anyway, since Scott has pulled on it early in the day. They started a new IV (in his left arm) and drew blood for some further lab testing. This was not the same doctor that had previously seen Scott and he felt confident that Scott was septic (full of infection) again and this was causing his confusion. He started Scott on two more antibiotics (so three total, now) and we waited for the labs.

The lab results showed a few things...all subtle but all could contribute to his confusion.

1) Scott's lactate was 2.8. This result is high but not "scary" high, but something to monitor. It's elevated result could be showing the beginning of a new infection, for Scott. (Lactate can show a few things...a severe infection, and liver function among others. Obviously, these two were the things we were specifically looking for).

2) Scott's ammonia level had gone from 16 to 28 in less than 12 hours. This isn't a high result, but the fact that it had increased so rapidly was concerning. The liver is responsible for converting ammonia into urea and then it leaves our bodies through our urine. An elevated ammonia level can result in confusion. It also means Scott's liver was not converting the ammonia like it should.

3) Scott's urinalysis (a quick test to see if the urine has an infection, or blood, etc in it) came back questionable for a UTI. An undiagnosed/untreated UTI could lead to confusion.

A brain CT scan was also schedule today to rule out any problems there. This has not been done yet.

Scott still did not sleep and his confusion did not subside despite our best efforts.

Around 9:00 this morning the internal medicene doctor came to see Scott, as well as the surgeon who did his amputation. Both of them were very concerned about Scott. The surgeon felt like a contributing factor to the confusion was Scott's poor pain management. Most of this is Scott's choice-he did not want to take the pain medication and has had very little for having an amputation. The surgeon thought that his could have triggered his confusion.

Scott had a PICC line (basically a long term IV placed in his arm)placed late morning, to give him the iv medications he desperately needs. He had no improvement in his confusion this morning.

A specialist also came this morning and said Scott had "Medical Delirium." Basically, an acute onset of confusion that could be contributed to any of the things, I wrote about in this post, as well as a big list of other things.

Finally, he feel asleep for the first time in two days, today at 2:00pm. It is now almost four and he is just starting to stir a bit.

We are all very concerned for Scott. The doctors are very concerned for Scott. Something is definitely not right. They are considering transfering him back to the ICU tonight.

Out of all of this, the one line that the Doctor said that keeps running through my head is "this is temporary." It's so difficult to watch Scott be so confused. I told a tearful Shelby last night, to remember that this isn't Scott. It's easy to know this, because if you look into his eyes, you can see it just isn't him. He looks scared and it is heartbreaking. We know he will not remember this and we only pray that we can forget it also.

Not Good

Things with Scott, have not improved. Once again, please, no visitors. Physically and mentally something serious is wrong with Scott. The doctors have a few suscipicions, but are working diligently to pinpoint a cause. Please wait until the Scott we all love and know is "back" with us again, before coming by.

I have a huge update I need to take the time to sit down and write. But I am currently getting ready to go back to the hospital. Check back tonight and I will have more details and the time to write all that has happened in the last 24 hours.

In the meantime, please pray for Scott. Pray for peace of mind. Pray that sleep will come for him. Pray that the medications will help him. Pray for Janiece and the kids. Pray that we can find what is causing his new problems and treat them quickly and appropriately. Please pray.

Monday, May 30, 2011

No new news

Not much to update...Scott is still confused. They are still asking for no visitors and this may be the case for a few days. Our parents even came to see Scott and they were not allowed in. Scott also had his phone "taken away" so no more confused calls could be made.

We're sad about this little set back. We hope that whatever is causing this will soon be fixed and Scott will be back to being Scott.

No Visitors

Scott had a rough night last night, and the doctors have enforced a "No Visitor" policy today. Thank you for understanding.

Janiece said that last night Scott was very confused. He didn't know who he was or where he was at. He is still confused this morning.

They are running a bunch of tests to see if they can pinpoint what is going on.

They are also redressing his leg today and putting on new drains.

He did hurt his shoulder also last night, when he was trying to get up but he hasn't complained about that today.

Obviously, I have not been to the hospital today but will get phone updates from Janiece and post them throughout the day.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

This isn't my life

Alternate Titles to this post:

Thank you God, for these trials. I am stronger now. Can we be done?

I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Someone wake me up!

I can't tell you how many times over the last few weeks I have told my husband, that "I can't believe this is happening to us" I really can't explain how it feels. It is some sort of strange twilight zone.

The other day on the way to the hospital, I was filling up my car with gas. As I watched the hundreds of cars driving past me, I thought about how most of the people in those cars, were going about their daily lives, not realizing how much mine had changed. How lucky, they were I thought and how unfair for me.

You see, two weeks ago I was in Georgia with my mother-in-law attending her 47 year old sister's funeral. She died way too young from pancreatic cancer. In December of 2010, as far as she knew, she was healthy and five months later she was gone.

My flight landed on Wednesday the 18th and I was supposed to leave for a work conference in Texas on the 20th. Only 18 hours later, on May 19th, my brother was lifeflighted to IMC. A few hours after that he had his leg amputated and was traveling the fine line between life and death.

I didn't go to Texas and I am so glad.

On Sunday the 22nd, my sister in law and my sweet three year old niece were in a car accident. They were basically T-Boned by someone going 60 who ran a red light. Despite some bruising and a broken arm for my sister in law, they are thankfully going to be okay.

Last night, my husband's grandpa (age 66) was bucked off a horse and had a c6-c7 neck injury. They told us last night he is paralyzed from the neck down. He was lifeflighted yesterday to the same hospital Scott is in. Currently he is on the same floor, in the ICU, only a few doors down from Scott's old room.

You know the saying-"It could always be worse?" Well, last night proved that it really always can be. I'm so sad. It just doesn't seem possible that this could be happening to people I know, love, and care so much about. Now when I go to the hospital I see my side of my family and my in laws and it just isn't right.

Once again, it feels like time is standing still for our family, while the rest of the world is still spinning.

If you've read this blog in its entirety you would have read the different scriptures, I've included on some posts. I haven't been getting home from the hospital until late most nights. Each night despite the late hour, I can't turn my brain off. Part of me thinks that if I lay down in bed before sleep comes, I'll be consumed with grief. So each night, I have been studying my scriptures under a different subject. Some of my subjects have been- grief, the Atonement, love, weakness, suffering, strength, eternal families, and more.

Today, my thoughts have once again returned to the Atonement. As I was reading, I thought about Heavenly Father watching his Son, Jesus Christ, on the cross and wanting nothing more than to save him, to ease his suffering, and yet he withheld, because of his eternal love for each of us.

I want nothing more than for Heavenly Father to ease these burdens from my family. My vision is not as clear as our Heavenly Father's and I'm selfish. I hate this. I want to go back to three weeks ago, when we all went about our daily lives and every.single.member of my family could walk with ease.

I know there are so many blessings to be seen throughout all of this, and I'm praying each day for the ability to see more clearly how truly blessed we are. I also think it's okay to feel sad right now.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16