TIME

Recently my husband and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary by attending the Temple. There we  participated in the sealing ordinance.  Our temple worker encouraged us to ask questions and truly wanted us to learn.  A question was asked why the ordinances for the deceased say both TIME and eternity?  Shouldn't it just be eternity?

As we discussed this, I thought to my self  "Oh, geez the pressures of time follow us--everywhere.  Even there"

You see, much of that night, had already been dictated by time.  I couldn't believe it had been 13 years.  My husband and I were babies when we were married and I'm only a few years shy of the mark of spending more TIME with my husband then we have apart.   Where has that TIME gone?

That night, my husband arrived home late from work.  He had gotten busy at the last minute and TIME had gotten away from him.  We rushed to the restaurant and became frustrated with the traffic----it was wasting our TIME.

We dined at "The Roof" An absolutely beautiful building that overlooks the Salt Lake Valley.  On our way to our seat, we passed a live pianist playing music for our enjoyment.  And you know what?  I was so worried about our lost TIME, that I can't really remember taking the TIME to enjoy what I was surrounded by.

We rushed to the temple, hopeful that we could make it to the last ordinance that started at 8pm.  We certainly didn't think we would have enough TIME to make it.  Luckily, we did, and after an hour or so, our ordinance worker asked us all if we had TIME to finish the few names we had left.  Of course, I wanted to stay, but I was also worried about the TIME-how long we had been gone from our children, how late it was getting.  Time, time, time.


Just like all of you, my life feels full and busy and always, like I never have quite enough TIME.


I've spent a lot of years in school, which took a lot of TIME to complete and a lot of my TIME everyday while I was doing it.  My family got less and less of me as my comittments took up the majority of my TIME. I always did it with the intent that "when I was done, I would have more time", "the job, I would be able to get, would allow me more flexible hours, more TIME",  "the hours I would be required to work, would be better time wise for my children"  I'm forever grateful that I did it, and our lives our better because of the sacrifice of TIME, I made.  But you know what? Life feels just as busy, just as full, and TIME continues to allude me.

Tonight, I came home from the hospital and didn't feel like I had enough TIME to help out with my son's scout activity tonight.  I ended up going and it went 30 minutes over the usual TIME and I was annoyed by that.  I came home feeling rushed again and when my daughter asked if I could read her three books instead of two, I felt like I didn't have enough TIME and that it was too far past her bedTIME.

As Scott lays in the hospital, so many of our questions have and continue to revolve around TIME.

When will Scott be listed for a liver?

When will Scott be able to actually get a liver?

How long can Scott's current liver continue to give him life?

How long will he be in the hospital this time?

How long will he stay in the hospital after a transplant?

How long will his kidneys continue to function?

What is his life expectancy post liver transplant?

How long?  How much time?  When?  

The problem?

No one knows-----answers vary, statistics can only estimate, and only TIME will tell. 

It's a tricky balance of TIME--Scott has to be very sick to be on the top of the liver transplant list, but no one knows if the perfect match for him will be available during that same TIME.  We can't control the timing. We desperately want a whole lot of QUALITY and QUANTITY of TIME with Scott but it seems like, while we wait, we can't have both.

I spent a lot of TIME with Scott since Monday and particularly today we spent TIME discussing things, you never want to discuss.  Making tough decisions and talking about a possible TIME we hope doesn't happen for years and years. Maybe it's my background, but it was very important to me to do this and I made a goal early today that "Today was the DAY.  This was the TIME.  There was never going to be a better TIME"  We did it and I feel good about it and so very sad about it.

After all, we're only asking for more TIME.

My life revolves around TIME, or more truthfully the perception I have that there never is enough TIME.  In reality though, I'd be painfully ashamed to see the hours and hours I've spent wasting TIME. But after a day like today, and a night filled with troubled thoughts, I can't imagine a day again where I don't have TIME to read my baby three books instead of two or to attend scouts with my boy. I never want to take this TIME, I have for granted.

After all, none of us know, when our TIME on earth will end.