Thank you all for your love, kind words, cards, flowers, hugs, meals, and so much more. Your support has carried us through a most difficult time. How can we thank you enough? How can we repay you? The truth is that we can not. Please know though, how grateful we are.
What a tribute and honor to Scott! I really can't believe how many people attended the services for my brother. Thank you for being a part of our lives and rallying around us when we needed it most.
I have always loved "living in the city" but seeing the support from Scott's little community was inspiring. You just can't know people that well in "the big city" and I was a little envious. Tremonton/Bothwell my childhood home, thank you for loving my brother and our family so much.
It has been an honor to write this little blog. I've loved it and I've hated it. I appreciated your kind comments about the blog. You've only got to hear one side of this story, my perspective, and I hope that I have done it justice.
The words would sometimes flow like water from the sink, but other times the words just could not be written and I struggled. There are gaps and missing chapters in this little story of Scott's when I just couldn't get the words out.
I think all of us feel a gap now. A part is missing. Something not "right". And once again, words can't describe it. I feel a sadness I have never experienced before. I have grieved before and mourned the loss of a loved one, but this is different. Like my Mom said, "I'm not sad for Scott, but I am selfishly sad for me" I am incredibly sad for all of us that have to live without Scott.
I feel like a different person than I was six days ago. I wonder if other people, strangers, can see the sadness that hangs over me. I wonder if they sense that something isn't "right" with me. I wonder if there will be a time, when I don't cry so easily. I wonder if I'll be able to fall asleep without thoughts of the tragedy we've been through consuming my mind. I wonder if the ache in my heart will ever be lessened. I wonder if losing Scott will ever get easier.
I am desperately clinging to hope. I see my children and can't help but know, that despite my protests, life will continue to go on and there is so much to LIVE FOR! I see our sweet McCall our little angel, and despite the sadness I can't help but smile. Our family will always mourn, always miss Scott, and will always wonder about the what if''s and the why's but however small, there is a place in me that knows we are going to be okay.
Thank you so much for following along, for reading my words, and most importantly caring so much about Scott.
Much Love,
April
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and asaveth such as be bof a contrite spirit
