Janiece went in for her surgery today at 12:30and was done around 2:30. She should be released to go home this evening, however the last update I received was that she was still at the hospital.
A 2 inch by 6 inch area was removed around where the mole was. Hopefully this removed all cancer cells from that terrible little mole! The original mole was about the size of the tip of your pinky finger.
When the surgeon first saw Janiece's adjacent lymph nodes he had a little concern because they were bigger than usual. However, after a closer look he reported that he is positively optimistic and "feels good" about the lymph nodes and that there is likely no cancer spread there. The results of the biopsy should be back next Wednesday and of couse we have to wait for that to be 100% sure.
Relatively speaking, this is the best possible news we could have received today. My sweet nieces and nephew need their mother. We are thanking God and so grateful.
Thank you for lifting up Janiece with your prayers, acts of kindness, and genuine concern for her and our family. It's hard to be on the receiving end, please know it is appreciated.
I'll keep updating on the blog when news is available. I'm very happy to report some good news on this blog. It doesn't happen enough! :)
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Prayers for Janiece
Once again, this isn't my story to tell, but I have asked to be a narrator for Janiece and she has agreed. I can't explain the feelings in my heart, or easily form my thoughts into sentences, but I will try.
I've come back to this blog with tears in my eyes, a heavy heart, and very sad news...
She found out on August 28, 2013. A few days prior to this Janiece had a mole removed. She was asked to come in to the office to hear the results of the biopsy and to bring someone with her. Janiece and her Mom received the news together. I just can't imagine...
Later that day, my Mom relayed this information to me, I was driving to my children's school to volunteer for a back to school event. My head screamed--It's unfair! Too unbelievable! Haven't they been through enough!!! Why!? Why!? Why!?
I still feel that way.
I am learning once again from Janiece. She has a positive disposition, she has a fight in her. Once again she is strong, when others (me) are weak.
Our family is again in need of help.
I am writing to you tonight to please pray, fast, cross fingers, send good vibes, whatever you can, in Janiece's behalf.
She will be having surgery tomorrow. A larger area around where the mole was, will be cut away to ensure all the cancer cells are gone. The adjacent lymph nodes will be biopsied to see if there is any spreading of the cancer. It will take a few days to get the biopsy results back, and at that time we will know more regarding staging of the cancer and what the plan will be, for further treatment.
I am brought to humility again. My problems are small. My life is easy. My children have been shielded from a lot of heartbreak. Scott has not even been gone for one year. His death and this news, are a hard reality to grasp. Yet Janiece, Shaunie, Shelby, Shaylie, and Mick are living it. I'll never understand...
Once again, life is never the same as before. Things are constantly chainging in our broken world. One thing that is constant though, is our ability to choose. We can choose to let life break us, be consumed with sorrow, or we can chose to live.
I know what Janiece has chosen.
"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
I've come back to this blog with tears in my eyes, a heavy heart, and very sad news...
Janiece has cancer--Melanoma.
She found out on August 28, 2013. A few days prior to this Janiece had a mole removed. She was asked to come in to the office to hear the results of the biopsy and to bring someone with her. Janiece and her Mom received the news together. I just can't imagine...
Later that day, my Mom relayed this information to me, I was driving to my children's school to volunteer for a back to school event. My head screamed--It's unfair! Too unbelievable! Haven't they been through enough!!! Why!? Why!? Why!?
I still feel that way.
I am learning once again from Janiece. She has a positive disposition, she has a fight in her. Once again she is strong, when others (me) are weak.
Our family is again in need of help.
I am writing to you tonight to please pray, fast, cross fingers, send good vibes, whatever you can, in Janiece's behalf.
She will be having surgery tomorrow. A larger area around where the mole was, will be cut away to ensure all the cancer cells are gone. The adjacent lymph nodes will be biopsied to see if there is any spreading of the cancer. It will take a few days to get the biopsy results back, and at that time we will know more regarding staging of the cancer and what the plan will be, for further treatment.
I am brought to humility again. My problems are small. My life is easy. My children have been shielded from a lot of heartbreak. Scott has not even been gone for one year. His death and this news, are a hard reality to grasp. Yet Janiece, Shaunie, Shelby, Shaylie, and Mick are living it. I'll never understand...
Once again, life is never the same as before. Things are constantly chainging in our broken world. One thing that is constant though, is our ability to choose. We can choose to let life break us, be consumed with sorrow, or we can chose to live.
I know what Janiece has chosen.
"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
Monday, August 12, 2013
If Only You Were Here....
The canal rushes by your home signaling summer, growth, passed time, you could see it from your bedroom window...If only you were here.
Your belly would be full of sweet corn each night now...If only you were here.
Your days and nights would be spent washing, walking, and helping your children prepare their steers....If only you were here.
You would be full of anticipation, excitement for the fair...If only you were here.
You would see that sweet grandbaby of yours smile with her cute teeth and love on her Momma, your daughter...If only you were here.
Your wife would tell you all about her new job and you would share her joy...If only you were here.
You would see how beautiful and strong Shaylie and Shelby are and see them modeling their new school clothes...If only you were here.
You would know that Mick is a farmer through and through, his Grandpa's best helper and side kick....If only you were here.
If only you were here...we would see you wearing your shirts instead of them being sewn into beautiful quilts.
If only you were here...I would see you in your home, instead of driving by on my way to your "spot" on the top of the hill.
If only you were here...
Your belly would be full of sweet corn each night now...If only you were here.
Your days and nights would be spent washing, walking, and helping your children prepare their steers....If only you were here.
You would be full of anticipation, excitement for the fair...If only you were here.
You would see that sweet grandbaby of yours smile with her cute teeth and love on her Momma, your daughter...If only you were here.
Your wife would tell you all about her new job and you would share her joy...If only you were here.
You would see how beautiful and strong Shaylie and Shelby are and see them modeling their new school clothes...If only you were here.
You would know that Mick is a farmer through and through, his Grandpa's best helper and side kick....If only you were here.
If only you were here...we would see you wearing your shirts instead of them being sewn into beautiful quilts.
If only you were here...I would see you in your home, instead of driving by on my way to your "spot" on the top of the hill.
If only you were here...
Monday, April 1, 2013
Tears
Missing you terribly today. I love you. I want to see you, hear your voice again, hug you, tell you that I love you...just one more time.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Missing Scott
This is random, but these thoughts won't leave my brain, and I am hoping writing them down will.
I have had two dreams about Scott. The first one was only a few days after Scott passed away. He looked the same to me as he did before he got sick. He looked well. He looked happy. His body was whole. He was sitting at the familar dining table at our Grandma Croziers home (Grandma died August 2012). I can remember nothing more. I don't recall speaking to Scott but I did wake up feeling an overwhelming sense of peace, of comfort, and a knowledge that Scott was okay.
My second dream was more of a nightmare. Scott was riding his horse down the street, I was sitting on the sidewalk. Waiting for him, watching for him. I was excited to see him. He rode by smiled and waved at me. A few yards past, his horse reared and fell over on him. Scott was pinned under the horse. I ran to Scott, and I immediately knew that if I didn't help him, he would die. I was trying desperately to save him. To move the horse off of him. To pull him out from under. Screaming for help, but my cries were not heard. He died in my arms and even in my dream, I felt the sadness, the guilt, the desperation nearly consume me.
I woke and immediately knew that "it was just a dream" but those feelings didn't go away. I also felt like there was some truth to the dream...I feel so sad, I couldn't save Scott. That WE couldn't save Scott. That modern medicine couldn't save Scott. That no matter how we tried, how much we prayed, how much we hoped, Scott still died.
I think about Scott everyday. Most of the time, I feel extreme guilt. I feel guilty that I get to continue to live, to experience life, to hug my babies, and he doesn't.
**Growing up my Mom always cooked a big Sunday dinner. For dessert we would always have either warm tapioca pudding or divinity. Scott LOVED tapioca pudding. A few weeks ago, I decided I wanted to make tapioca pudding for my family. The recipe I have is not "quick and easy", you have to soak the tapioca overnight, use a double boiler to get the milk just the right temperature, beat and fold in the eggs whites and on and on. I went through the steps and although it wasn't quite as good as my Mom's it was a close second. I thought it was delicious. I served up bowls for my family, and for reasons I will never understand :) they didn't share the tapioca love.
As I dumped out their bowls in the trash, I found myself crying. Crying because I was able to enjoy tapioca and Scott wasn't. Crying because I felt like my kids not liking it, was somehow not honoring Scott. I wanted to share Scott's favorite food with my kids and have them somehow associate this little thing with him. I know it's completely ridiculous. I know it's just tapioca....I know it has nothing to do with honoring or loving Scott. I don't know why I reacted the way I did, other than I think I was just sad and missing Scott.
**I babysat Scott's granddaughter McCall (best few days ever!!!) and I literally could not put her down. I held her and loved her every second we had her. I felt like I needed to somehow pass on every ounce of love I could to her, to pass on a love from her Grandpa in heaven. I felt moments of guilt, when I thought about the fact that I got to love on and hug this baby and Scott didn't.
**My Hannah is super tall, when I was combing her hair one day, I commented to her that she might grow up to be as tall as her Uncle Scott! She looked at me and said "Umm Mom, you remember that Scott died, right?" Ensue tears. Yes, baby Girl I remember.
Scott dying is still just so sad. It's so sad to think that the years I lived with him, will likely not be as many years as I live without him. I'm so afraid, that my kids won't literally remember Scott (of course, I will keep his memory with them for all the days that I live). That birthdays, Christmas, baptisms, will pass and Scott won't be here. How is that okay? How does one, not ache because of it?
I have had two dreams about Scott. The first one was only a few days after Scott passed away. He looked the same to me as he did before he got sick. He looked well. He looked happy. His body was whole. He was sitting at the familar dining table at our Grandma Croziers home (Grandma died August 2012). I can remember nothing more. I don't recall speaking to Scott but I did wake up feeling an overwhelming sense of peace, of comfort, and a knowledge that Scott was okay.
My second dream was more of a nightmare. Scott was riding his horse down the street, I was sitting on the sidewalk. Waiting for him, watching for him. I was excited to see him. He rode by smiled and waved at me. A few yards past, his horse reared and fell over on him. Scott was pinned under the horse. I ran to Scott, and I immediately knew that if I didn't help him, he would die. I was trying desperately to save him. To move the horse off of him. To pull him out from under. Screaming for help, but my cries were not heard. He died in my arms and even in my dream, I felt the sadness, the guilt, the desperation nearly consume me.
I woke and immediately knew that "it was just a dream" but those feelings didn't go away. I also felt like there was some truth to the dream...I feel so sad, I couldn't save Scott. That WE couldn't save Scott. That modern medicine couldn't save Scott. That no matter how we tried, how much we prayed, how much we hoped, Scott still died.
I think about Scott everyday. Most of the time, I feel extreme guilt. I feel guilty that I get to continue to live, to experience life, to hug my babies, and he doesn't.
**Growing up my Mom always cooked a big Sunday dinner. For dessert we would always have either warm tapioca pudding or divinity. Scott LOVED tapioca pudding. A few weeks ago, I decided I wanted to make tapioca pudding for my family. The recipe I have is not "quick and easy", you have to soak the tapioca overnight, use a double boiler to get the milk just the right temperature, beat and fold in the eggs whites and on and on. I went through the steps and although it wasn't quite as good as my Mom's it was a close second. I thought it was delicious. I served up bowls for my family, and for reasons I will never understand :) they didn't share the tapioca love.
As I dumped out their bowls in the trash, I found myself crying. Crying because I was able to enjoy tapioca and Scott wasn't. Crying because I felt like my kids not liking it, was somehow not honoring Scott. I wanted to share Scott's favorite food with my kids and have them somehow associate this little thing with him. I know it's completely ridiculous. I know it's just tapioca....I know it has nothing to do with honoring or loving Scott. I don't know why I reacted the way I did, other than I think I was just sad and missing Scott.
**I babysat Scott's granddaughter McCall (best few days ever!!!) and I literally could not put her down. I held her and loved her every second we had her. I felt like I needed to somehow pass on every ounce of love I could to her, to pass on a love from her Grandpa in heaven. I felt moments of guilt, when I thought about the fact that I got to love on and hug this baby and Scott didn't.
**My Hannah is super tall, when I was combing her hair one day, I commented to her that she might grow up to be as tall as her Uncle Scott! She looked at me and said "Umm Mom, you remember that Scott died, right?" Ensue tears. Yes, baby Girl I remember.
Scott dying is still just so sad. It's so sad to think that the years I lived with him, will likely not be as many years as I live without him. I'm so afraid, that my kids won't literally remember Scott (of course, I will keep his memory with them for all the days that I live). That birthdays, Christmas, baptisms, will pass and Scott won't be here. How is that okay? How does one, not ache because of it?
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