In 2008, I was required to read "Tuesdays with Morrie" for one of my college classes. I loved this book and would recommend it to anyone. There were so many principles and lessons from the book that I wanted to remember always. This book was on my mind today. Since I don't have time to read the book again, I wanted to read the paper I wrote about it. Yes, I searched through all our old computer files trying to find it and sure enough, after reading it, I was glad I spent the time looking for it.
Here are a few experts from my paper.
"Suffering is a cruel word and just the mentioning of it, brings my emotions to the surface and a pit in my stomach. Whenever I think of suffering I immediately equate that with a poor quality of life. I have heard so many people say, they "just don't want to suffer" or how "lucky so and so is because they did not suffer." I agree. I don't want to suffer, I don't want my body to hurt, but most of all I don't want to look into my loved ones eyes and see suffering.
Some may say that suffering can make people humble. It can evoke compassion in those who don't have any. It can bring life and problems into a different perspective because all of a sudden, due to suffering, other things don't seem so bad. This may be true, but it doesn't make suffering any better or easier. Why does it take something so bad to make someone or something, seem good? I don't want to have suffering in order to have good.
From reading this book, I have learned to love my family more. Money is not important, work is not important. I have always thought that after I finished school, I would have enough money to take my children on a fun vacation, or my work hours would be better, and I could spend more time at home. While I still hope for these things, I realized they are not necessary for my happiness or for my children's happiness. My kids are happy at the free park down the road or finger painting with vanilla pudding. I keep waiting for these "other" things that I hope will make our lives better, when I have everything I need making soft sighs in their beds right now.
My husband is a history buff and we have spent quite a few evenings walking around cemeteries. I love to read the headstones and imagine the people they honor. On a twin girl's headstone it read "She gave her life, so her sister could live." Another read, "a hero to the end." Each of these has made an impression on me. Asking what I would want written on my headstone is a difficult question, because I don't think I am deserving of anything so grand. I only hope that I can be remembered as someone who did some good in this world. I want my family to be proud of me. I want those who I knew, to still feel and remember love from me, even when I am not here. Whether or not this is eloquently worded on a tombstone or not, makes no difference to me, as long as people know it."
April Greener
February 2008
As I have written before, it has been difficult for me (and everyone) to see Scott suffering. It has been equally as difficult to see Janiece and Scott's children suffer. Sweet 10 year Mick, was very brave when he was told the news about his Dad. He had a solemn silence about him and he didn't really say much. It was a day or so later when he asked when Scott's leg was going to grow back. He really believed that this would happen and in our grief we hadn't made sure he understood.
Things have sunken in for Mick and he's nervous to see his Dad's "new" appearance. He's home tonight-one of the first times, and the report received, was that he was having a hard time. He hasn't let go of his Dad's ball cap since Scott was admitted to the hospital and wears it every second he can.
Did you know that today, Mick broke the record in his school's pentathlon for the long jump and for making the most baskets in a certain time? We are so proud and want his life to be full of happiness.
Scott and I are complete opposites. I'm the baby of the family and it feels like by the time I was old enough to remember much, Scott, the oldest, was getting married and moving out. For perspective, I took Shaunie (Scott's oldest) to show and tell when I was in fourth grade. I remember bragging to my friends that I was an aunt because no one else my age was.
I was always interested in music and Scott was only interested in not hearing my music. :) He was interested in farming and all things country and I couldn't wait to move where I could get to a store in 5 minutes, if I wanted to. I blame Scott for teaching my three year old her first swear word because she never heard that at our house. :) Despite our differences we always loved each other and enjoyed our time together.
As I continued to move further and further south, we didn't see each other as much. I heard about his health struggles from a distance and helped out and came home as much as I could. Just like I wrote in my paper years ago, I have been reminded again, just how important family is. I am disappointed in myself, that it took something like this to happen, to remind me. I've hugged my babies a little tighter, I've seen extended family members that I haven't seen since I was little, and I've stopped myself from saying that cross word or elevating my voice, because truly, are socks on the floor worth getting upset about? Why does Scott have to suffer, so something good could come?
Scott's attitude is inspiring. Janiece's attitude is inspiring. I love him so much and I love Janiece so much for loving my brother unconditionally. I've never heard Scott complain or even express one ounce of sadness over losing his leg. Janiece has not left the hospital for one moment, because she wants to be there for Scott. Before, when Scott was planning for a liver transplant, he had asked Janiece to stay at the hospital with him. The circumstances are different, but Janiece has kept that promise.
I have looked at every card written and have seen most faces who have come to see Scott and can't help but get teary eyed. It shows me how much people love my brother and his family. It shows me that my brother is a good person. It shows me how good people are and how willing they are to help and serve others. It shows me what I want to teach my children and how I want to live my life always-not just when its convenient.
God is good.
No comments:
Post a Comment